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Friday, April 13, 2012

Florida Skies and Absolute Knowing


Unless something unforeseen happens at closing, the sale of the apartment I have lived in for nearly 20 years will be completed sometime between 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. on Thursday, April 19, 2012.  At that time, whether the sale goes through or not, I will be on a plane flying to my new  home, Ft. Lauderdale.

Once in Ft. Lauderdale, I will pick up my rental car and drive to my new one-room apartment -- which I have for roughly two months.  During the days and weeks to follow, I will get a post office box, a driver's license, scout out possible employment opportunities, and really start scoping things out ... neighborhoods, homes, things-to-do, promises to keep, and etc.

So how do I feel about all of this?  Not as good as I thought I might; but I absolutely know that will all change once I land in Florida.

Right now I am more stressed than I have felt in a long, long time.  It's weird, because there really isn't anything that stressful going on -- on the surface -- but internally, it feels overwhelming.  I'm having the worst back muscle spasms -- nearly crippling -- which keeps me from sleeping deeply.  I'm supposed to be packing -- but can't seem to get anything done.  Next week I have to bring things to Comcast, go to sign settlement documents, and greet the movers -- who will take my few remaining things to Florida for me.

I don't feel like there's enough time for it all.

On the level of pure awareness, I know everything is going to be great; but there is a part of me that just abhors change and is trying to convince myself that all is not well.  But it is really great.  In seven days I will land in Florida and everything will change -- no doubt for the best.  It will be different and take some getting used to; but the Washington, DC cash drain will finally be gone.

For those who don't know, let me explain that a move costs you a lot on so many levels and in so many ways; it's like I have been feeling as if everybody and their grandmother wants to get a tiny piece of my skinny wallet ... and that they feel entitled to have an emotional piece of me, too ... from the realtors to the lawyers to the buyer of the house.  The truth is that this is just my disgruntled ego harping.

Most of these people are just part of the whole process that I need to move through as I leave from one place and alight at another.  I know that everything is okay.  I just need to ignore the egoic fears and baloney and muddle through these last days.  Live in the now and keep an eye on "the prize" ... the new possibilities that are sure to emerge.

I also find myself being tempted to regret things now, another trick of the ego: not having invested more money for retirement, not paying off more of my house so that I could have walked away with huge bags of cash, not trying harder to stay in DC by getting some job I loathed but which would have brought in food and rent,  and not having been even closer to all my dear friends than I was.

But regret at any juncture is sheer madness; it's useless and serves nobody.  The answer to all those regrets is the same: I'm in exactly the right place.  What is what is, what was done was done.  NOW is all that matters.  And now is fast becoming "next week in Florida" (which is just tomorrow's now!)!!!!!

A week from today I'll be a man awakening to a new morning and to the sun in Florida; perched at a  new beginning in a new home.
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Saturday, March 10, 2012

nOW! Instead of OW!


"The next time the hammer of life seems to smash the thumb of your life -- try yelling out the word, "nOw" -- instead of "Ow."

(Or, if it REALLY smarts, you might want to embellish it with something more colorful, like "G*dam% mot^@9&fu!(ing nOw!!!")

It will still hurt like hell, but at least you're ackNOWledging the moment ... which is all you ever have. And you're allOWing the pain to move through you.

Remember: Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional."

                                          -- Michael Walker
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Friday, January 13, 2012

Just a Sleepless Dream

I meant to post this from my Facebook account yesterday, but sometimes life moves faster than I am able!

Fortunately, I do eventually get around to paving my Road of Good Intentions!



===



This morning I awake from the tossing, and turning, and sleepless night dream which portends a day to follow filled with dark things and a lack of zeal. For sleeplessness underscores my body's need for something that it thinks is separate from God/dess. I expect that lack of sleep is somehow detrimental to my well-being. 


But my body is not real; it is my ego's greatest tool to distract me from the truth of the only thing that is real about me: my Inner Self. 


My little, frightened ego waves sleeplessness (or threatening headlines, a mild headache, my thinning hair, or a death in the family) in front of me like a pick pocket waving a newspaper; its aim to deflect my attention from the truth of who and what I am.


But years of experience with the false prophet (ego) enables me to turn my back on it and merely watch it -- knowingly -- from the corner of my eye. Sneaky ego -- you want me to forget that I can awaken from all the dreams (and layers of dreams) and merely allow Peace to carry me above them.


I choose to awaken today; I choose to remember that I awakened yesterday; I choose to remember that I will be awakened tomorrow.


All is well.


[Note: As I progressed through the writing of this piece, the sun burst through the gray clouds here in Washington, DC.]

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Monday, January 2, 2012

Outlook 2012

Well, it's 2012 and -- depending on your belief system and your general life outlook -- this is either going to be the most fantastic year of our lives or the very last one.

According to how some perceive the calendar of the ancient Maya, this year (2012) is going to:


  • End on Doomsday, December 21, 
  • Be the beginning, middle, and/or end of a massive, tumultuous cosmic-shift in global human consciousness that will result in the transformation of survivors into enlightened beings, or
  • Wind up being just another year

Of course, the Mayan Calendar deal could really just be another instance of "you say" and "I say" ways of looking at the world and the expectations we bring to our everyday lives.

I myself, depending upon the degree of my own contact with my Inner Self at a given moment, have wavered on this theoretical event over the years -- going so far as to get into pissing matches about it with good, kind people during all sorts of social engagements. Deleting some, patronizing others, and completely grokking or otherwise resonating and commiserating with still others.

Part of me wants to believe that the world is ending (e.g. the undeserving are going to be crushed out of existence by some knowing God/dess or entity who, like Santa Claus, is keeping track of all our good and bad deeds.). While the other part of me knows with a passion and certainty that nothing like this could or would happen in a universe that is intrinsically neutral and merely a reflection of my own internal condition, inner beliefs, and expectations. In other words, reality is a reflection of what I believe ... what I expect is what I get.

The key here, of course, is understanding that the "part" of me that wants to be rewarded for "being good" and seeks revenge on the "bad ones" is my ego or lower self. The other part of me, my inner Higher Self, knows that there is no such thing as"bad" -- because we all come from the same Source, what some call God, Goddess, The Force, Higher Self, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Great Father/Mother, or etc.


The spirit of this belief system is one of non-duality. Only God exists and everything that appears to exist outside of God is merely an illusion. But, as physicist Albert Einstein said, it's a very persistent illusion. Ultimately, we created the illusion when we were "born" into it and maintained it -- alone and with the assistance of well-meaning others -- throughout our lives. The longer we allowed this illusion to exist, the stronger it became and the more difficult to expose as the lie that it truly is.
A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes the suffering. – Buddha (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)
An important part of the illusion -- which really snags us -- is the idea of lack and limitation. We believe we are inferior to our Source -- forgetting that we are children or outpourings of the source. As such, we are at least heirs to the Source and heirs to the "kingdom" it represents. Since our separation from Source is basically impossible, we can't really lack anything or be limited by anything. But our experience in this world of form often suggests otherwise.


That's because our egos manipulate us into believing its lies -- and we become persuaded or convinced that those lies must be true. People die in this world of form, for instance, therefore form must exist and form must ultimately become nonexistent. But form, which is fluid and which can be destroyed, is not real. Spirit, which is changeless and very real, is immortal.
Not one thing in the world is true. It does not matter what the form in which it may appear. It witnesses but to your own illusions of yourself. Let us not be deceived today. We are the Sons of God. There is no fear in us, for we are each a part of Love itself. – Lesson 240, A Course In Miracles
Practicing meditation and other forms of experiential union with Your Source can help you understand that form doesn't really exist; it's an illusion or a covering placed over truth to mislead you. Beneath all form (including the form of life and death) exists the reality of Oneness. It can't die because it is changeless and is the Source of everything.  If it has to have a name, the closest word I can come to define the nature of Source would be love.
‎It's better to die to who we think we are before who we think we are dies. -- Thomas Vieira 
Over the last eleven years (give or take a few) I began this serious venture into spiritual self-introspection that has led me to where I am today. Where I am today is basically the same person I was when I first ventured on that path, but with a lot less misperceptions of who I am, expectations about how I coulda shoulda woulda been, and with a lot less emotional, spiritual, and physical baggage than I had before starting on the path. (I'm defining "baggage" here as all the clutter that I've carried around in my head and stored in my various closets.)

I, myself, am not "there" yet, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am working at it as best I can, one day at a time, and with varying degrees of success.
One of the reasons I love social media sites -- like Facebook, Google+, and LinkedIn -- is that they expose my real self to the world.  Many people are very worried about security and identification theft, etc. -- whereas I am more concerned with the daily theft of who I am -- by my ego.  By putting "myself" out there every day, I am letting all of you (who are reflections of my own inner self, right?) have a shot at showing me my own warts, defects of character, and bags of crapola. I don't like that when it happens -- but it keeps me more in line than I can be when I traverse this path alone.
The ego is not master in its own house. – From A Difficulty in the Path of Psycho-Analysis, 1917.
Thus, you all become my greatest teachers and I get to witness my own personal healing on a deep level of self.


Here are a few of my own personal projects and plans for the year 2012:
  • Decide whether to stay in Washington, DC longer or move to another area, possibly Ft. Lauderdale, to continue my life journey.
  • Continue my studies of non-duality and spirituality, specifically through A Course in Miracles and teachers like Adyashanti (website, video: Welcome to Reality, Bentinho Massaro (website, video: Understanding Life is Impossible), and Jed McKenna ; possibly start a meetup group to offer a way to contemplate non-duality with others.
  • Through the meetup group, Gay and Retired Elders and the People Who Love Them, discover more like-minded retirees in the area with which to hang out.
  • Through the meetup group, The Tribe of Beltway Shamans, learning more about shamanic healing and how to be a caretaker of the planet upon which we still live.
  • Through my Facebook, Google+, and LinkedIn pages, maintain conscious contact with all my friends and teachers, old and new.
  • Through my personal site, DREAMWalker Group, continue attempting, with your help, to give cold cash back to the literary community. I do this by sharing my commissions from book and other sales with literary community-minded sites and individual. (See why I think you should consider helping me with this by buying all your books and other items through the links on my site ... here and here.
  • Through another personal site, Awakened Man, offer my creative talents (writing, social media management, and healing of body/mind/spirit through a variety of techniques) to other students and teachers. While, at the same time, put together enough cold, hard cash to support myself.
  • Decide what I want to be when I grow up.
My conscious effort at self-knowing has led me to a more balanced lifestyle of relaxation, using better coping strategies (at times), gaining better skills for communicating, and modifying my behaviors to have a happier and healthier life.

Some days seem to be failures at personal growth; other days seems huge successes. It's the old one step backward, five steps forward thing.


I prefer to think of our personal and spiritual development more like a spiral staircase rising toward the sky. While we're on the staircase, climbing higher and higher, the vantage point seems to change very little. But with each step we take -- though the view seems only partially changed -- we are still moving further along and higher than we were the step before.

The groovy part is that there's room on the staircase for all of us, together!

Life's all good -- and all is well


HAPPY 2012, EVERYBODY!!

If you haven't let it go, you're still holding on.
      -- Michael Walker, February 3, 2011
-----

If your like what you read here ... please post comments.  They help me with my life journey!
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Friday, October 7, 2011

This Moment

At this moment in time, I am gratefully singular!
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Neglectful Me!


I've been asleep at the wheel these last few weeks -- recovering from the massive hurricane, I suppose!  Anyway, here's some catch-up via my friends at Facebook!

October 6, 2011
At this moment in time, I am gratefully singular!

October 5, 2011




8:52 a.m. -- One Stunning Day! Enjoy!!!


10:28 p.m. -- A true visionary passes over. I heard the news on my iPhone.


May the Force be with you, Steve.





10:33 p.m. -- Class act, Google. Thank you.




October 2, 2011

Wow, this sure resonated with me ... !



blip.tv
A video meditation on all the stuff I've bought trying to "fix" myself, rather than Taking the One Seat.



September 30, 2011

‎"It's better to die to who we think we are before who we think we are dies." -- Thomas Vieira


September 29, 2011

To Mull Over Today:


Spirituality for those suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder: We Are All One.


If you experience duality (good vs. bad, Spirit vs. Ego, right vs. wrong) you forgot to take your meds.


Best medication for this? Meditation, or its ilk.


September 28, 2011


1:57 p.m. -- Just had to get away from my computer for a bit. Going to see Contagion — at Regal Gallery Place Stadium 14.


7:35 p.m. -- Came here because they're one of the few restaurants that I know that serves beef liver -- only to discover that this landmark before-theater cafe is closing it's doors on September 30. I am bummed; sometimes there is just TOO MUCH CHANGE in life!!! — at Playbill Cafe.


8:28 p.m. -- Wow, it's raining Cheshire Cats and poodles outside the restaurant window. That's what happened last time I came here. Does my coming here (Playbill Cafe) cause rain or do I think of beef liver when rain is in the forecast???? Either way I'll be tripping over matted fur-balls on the way home. Oh growl.


September 20, 2011

More on this Ft. Lauderdale feather to come. Anybody recognize the Floridian bird from which it may have been gifted.



September 17, 2011

This settles it! Boar's Head Liverwurst available at Publix 'cross street from Wilton Station (Ft. Lauderdale). I'm seriously considering moving!


September 13, 2011

First Lunch in Ft. Lauderdale — with Sal Rinaudo at Georgi's Alibi Corporation.

September 12, 2011

9:24 p.m. -- Must get sleep. Must get sleep. I'm leavin' on a jet plane in the morning for Ft. Lauderdale. The GREAT thing about freelancing and working online. Will do my best to send snapshots as I wend my way through my days. The spirit in me recognizes the spirit in YOU.

9:27 p.m. -- Happy full moon everybody!!

September 11, 2011

1:44 p.m. -- Coming home for one day. THEN, to where the sun keeps shining through the pouring rain. — at DC2NY Bus.


8:53 p.m. -- I went to see the musical, "The Book of Mormon," in New York City on Thursday night and have been in a dancy, sing-songy mood ever since! (It was a birthday gift.) I highly recommend you go see it and take me with you! (YES, it's THAT GOOD!)

September 10, 2011

8:52 a.m. -- Steeped in the countryside of Woodstock, NY, thinking with gratitude of all the wonderful birthday wishes I received from friends near and far. I AM SO BLESSED by you all!!! Thanks so much for being there!


10:06 p.m. -- Met a nice man on the street in New York City yesterday who mentioned A Course in Miracles; then in Target in Woodstock today a cashier replied to me, "You sound sooo A Course in Miracles!" 1/2 hour later I found a really interesting book on ... A Course in Miracles. So many coincidences. Right? RIGHT???!!!

September 9, 2011

Wending my way through a sleepy New York morning. Awaiting friends whereupon it will become a Woodstock afternoon, early evening. Must write today or the gods will be after me!

September 7, 2011

8:11 a.m. -- I am being overwhelmed this morning by all the birthday wishes ...


9:19 a.m. -- All these birthday wishes are warming my cockles. GREETINGS and THANKS y'all. 


{{{{{{{All my fabulous friends.}}}}}}}


5:07 p.m. -- Gym was awesome. It's the pool I was in when the earthquake struck. Every time I go in there now, I wonder what's going on in the non-liquid world!


Still reeling from all the love coming way here on Facebook today!!
GRATITUDE is my middle name!


8:55 p.m. -- Dinner at Nellie's Sports Bar with Thomas Rae Southall was DELICIOUS ... and I stayed on my low-carb diet, heh heh. 


9:15 p.m. DC2NY bus tomorrow to the Big Apple to meet Talia Mana in Central Park and then off to see "Book of Mormon." Zooming the next day to Woodstock where R&R awaits. Sadly, no gym and scrumptious fooderies for two days, sigh. Will have laptop so will stay in touch, oh yeah.


Have I expressed my appreciation TO YOU ALL today? Thanks so much -- for being there!
10:37 p.m. -- There is an endless net of threads throughout the universe...

August 31, 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 9:10:30 a.m. -- A New York Times article is headlined, "Hurricane Cost Seen as Ranking Among Top Ten." The lede describes Hurricane Irene as most likely to prove to be one of the 10 costliest catastrophes in the nation’s history. 

August 29, 2011

9:59 a.m. -- Feeling adventurous, frolicky, and fit-to-be-tied with glee. Must be the let-up after a week of earthquakes and hurricanes! Lalalalalalalalala!!!


12:20 a.m. -- Spent the night surveying the damage by walking the streets from known bars and restaurants. It was far worse than you can imagine. 


How could you, God, how could you?
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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

The Hurricane Blog
[ The Day of Our Lord (who I'm holding personally responsible
for all natural accidents and errors in spelling and grammar),
August 27, 2011]


DOWN THE ROAD A SPELL (PUTTING THIS THREAD TO SLEEP)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 9:10:30 a.m. -- A New York Times article is headlined, "Hurricane Cost Seen as Ranking Among Top Ten."  The lede describes Hurricane Irene as most likely to prove to be one of the 10 costliest catastrophes in the nation’s history.


Yours truly is wondering if this includes the billions and billions of dollars spent on the media blitz that scared the pants off most of us -- but which, thankfully, kept the news media professionals working overtime and the advertising revenues flowing.


Interesting phrase to use -- most likely -- denoting more conjecture than fact.  This is true of all the so-called "news" these days -- it's not really news.  Just speculation about what might, could, or should happen, really just designed to sell newspapers and air time.  And then there's the extra, value-added perk of putting fear into the hearts and souls of the audience.  See this witty and insightful article, "Fear In Advertising: How to Make People Buy Your Stuff By Scaring the Crap Out of Them."


But fear can be so addictive, right?  I mean, hour-by-hour, day-by-day (etc. etc. etc.) I promise myself to keep the TV turned off and the Internets tilted way from the news channels; but find myself peeking at the drivel over and over again.  


I can't seem to help myself; I'm like the child who loves to be scared-to-near-death by monster movies -- just as long as mommy and daddy are nearby for protection.  Except that as an adult, mommy and daddy are nowhere to be found, and there's no one who can protect us from the spooky stuff.  They're under my bed, they're in my closets, and now they're selling me politics and items I'm told I can't possibly live without.


It's easy to remember the sage words spoken March 4, 1933, by President Franklin Delano Roosevelt at his first Inaugural Address:


"The only thing we have to fear is fear it'self - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."


But for myself, I prefer the more simple and succinct German proverb that advises us that:


"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."  


Good words to remember, as I put this thread to sleep. 

See you at, during, and hopefully after the next calamity!!!!

+++

The DAY AFTER

12:12:44 a.m.  -- Spent the night surveying the damage by walking the streets from known bars and restaurants.  It was far worse than you can imagine.  Here are just two photos ... I couldn't bear to snap any more.  My hands were shaking and my heart was torn asunder.  How could you, God, how could you?

Fallen Soldier on 14th Street, NW, Washington, DC
The Horror, The Pain (14th Street, NW, Washington, DC)

6:35:10 p.m. -- My survey of the damage between my home in the U Street Corridor and Court House in Arlington, Virgina is complete.

There were twigs and acorns everywhere.  It sickens me thinking back on such calamity.

I will have nightmares for the rest of my life, no doubt.

9:05:04 a.m. -- Woke up to the devastating realization that my electricity had blinked out during the night.  Just enough to shut down my air conditioning but not long enough to cause that crazy blinking in the clocks of my alarm clock, microwave oven, stove, or coffee maker.  You think you're safe in life and then when you least expect it, horrific and unexpected things can occur.

Without air conditioning my dreams were swathed in heat and humidity.  The reporters on CNN are now describing the reasons why their deadly forecasts were averted (wrong) -- and still trying to hype the storm's assault on New York City (it was just reduced to a tropical storm.). The reporter on TV is still trying to describe the what-ifs and what-could-have-been scenarios; what would have happened, she's asking, if the Holland Tunnel had filled with water.  (I'm wondering what would have happened if she'd actually attended journalism and news-gathering school. LOL!)

VIEW OUTSIDE MY WINDOW:  The nightmarish sun has just come out -- it's fierce yellow color surrounded by clouds tinged in gray and blue.  The Washington Post man is standing in front of the St. Augustine Catholic Church is negotiating a sale with a solitary person. 


Here's the latest blurb showing on TV ... "Rain Begins Falling in New York City."  The two commentators are arguing about the severity of the storm.  He's saying the storm has just been downgraded to a tropical storm, and she's arguing that it can't be true and she feels she should be allowed to say she survived the hurricane in New York City!

"I just have to say there's still going to be tremendous flooding!" she pouts.

The truth is that they all got a lot of this nightmare wrong; but they can sleep soundly knowing that, in spite of their fear mongering and drama, they'll still get their pay checks.  Like doctors who get the diagnosis wrong, the consumer is still expected to pay them for their BS degree-certified opinions.

I'm heading out to Virginia today so that I can view the vast devastation that hit the area between my home and Clarendon.  God help me in my journey -- there's always a possibility that a wheel will fall off my train and we'll be delayed for an hour or two.  Zounds!


+++

"I think we fared quite well.  The storm could have been a lot worse." -- Mayor Anthony Williams, Washington, DC

+++

The STORM

polly nose flicked against my window.  Leaves are stirring just a tad.  Sadly, my eyelids are getting heavy and I can't decide whether it's natural exhaustion or the awesomely life-draining jabber-wabber spewing from the newscasters who are masquerading as actual news women and men.  Fortunately, we all know that actual news -- balanced and accurate and fit to print -- no longer draws in enough ad revenue or supports politicians; so this blather is the next best thing.  Ahhhhh, what the heck.  It's all good.  I woke up this morning with air in my lungs and my heart beating strong -- so the day has been perfect for me.

10:29:17 p.m. -- A reporter on MSNBC was just describing all the things that possibly, might, maybe could happen as a combined result of the earthquake earlier this week and the hurricane threatening us this evening.  This includes the Washington Monument -- which was cracked -- breaking and/or toppling over.  Keep in mind, this is all make-believe, conjecture, or fairy tales.  For myself, I want you all to know that my fairy tale is that when I go to sleep tonight, I might possibly maybe will wake up surrounded by handsome young men offering me smiles and gobs of gold bouillons.  Oh yes.

 7:47:20 p.m. -- Fell asleep watching The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer as he yelled on and on and on about "this monster storm."  The mayor of Washington, DC is on now saying he fully expects the President to approve emergency aid to the city.  THANK GOD, as it's getting really dark outside and I'm afraid that the sound of the gentle pelting of rain on my window will keep me awake -- which will require an emergency procedure to wake me up in the morning.  Intravenous caffeine, I hope.

3:28:56 p.m. -- Rain drops on my window.  This is bad.  I can't keep count of them there are so many.  Rain everywhere!  It's a deluge.

2:43:13 p.m. -- The sun is out; the sun it in; the sun is out; the sun is in.

2:08:30 p.m. -- Had that tingly feeling you get on your lip just prior to a cold sore outbreak; walked into bathroom and checked the mirror.  OH MY GOD!!  I do have a cold sore developing.  The stress of this storm is killing me.  Outside, all is calm.  Fortunately for the world, CNN is keeping up the pragmatic fear level. 


12:58:23 p.m. -- Had to close windows -- which were open just a tiny bit.  Rain blew in on my window sills.  Armageddon has begun.



====

I'm going to be blogging throughout the day in the hopes of keeping the rest of the world informed about our fate here in the Nation's Capital.  Hurricane Irene is bearing down on the East Coast and we, in Washington, DC, are still reeling from the deadly earthquake of several days ago. 

Personally, I've stocked up on all the necessary supplies: toilet paper (for a half-year) and liquor (for a day or three months, depending upon the number of guests I have in the next few days/months; a week's supply of red meat (my vegetarian and vegan friends are on their own); cash for when the electricity (in other words, ATMs) go dead; gasoline (I don't have a car so I guess this is to burn the dead bodies resulting from the calamity; clean clothes; and candles (in case this goes into my birthday next week and I have to celebrate alone).

Things I forgot to tend to were water (bathing or drinking); extra sleeping pills and Viagra just in case pharmacies close forever; batteries; flashlight; and ice cooler for ice and food.  I'm sure there's more.

Oh well, sigh.  Anyway, here goes the blog -- which will have current entries on top.
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