Note About Daily Quotes by Awakened Man

Note: Beginning August 28, 2010, I started doing morning "quotes" on Facebook and fabulis.com (they used to be at my Shamanic healing website, Awakened Man). These quotes were and are meant to enCourage myself and others each morning. I quiet myself and ask Spirit (God or Goddess [God/dess], Universe, The One, The Force, etc.) for assistance in coming up with something uplifting that relates to my own life and which, I hope, will relate to my reader's lives.

From here on, I will be posting the quotes -- including those from August 28, 2010 through the current day. I will be posting these quotes here on a daily basis; along with any other entries I write. I hope you find the quotes -- and this blog -- helpful.

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The Daily Dilly-Dally Dance

One thing about retirement is you have a lot of extra time. And for some of us, that is a boon -- and for the slackers among us, it can be anything but.

The Free Dictionary says to dilly-dally is to waste time, especially in indecision; to dawdle or vacillate. But before you jump on the proverbial band-wagon and assume I'm going to protest the idea of procrastination, think again.

Most of our dawdling is done much more inspirationally than that -- with way more creative finesse. Heck, it's practically professional in nature, more insidious and well-planned, honed-to-a-fine-point. Not thought-out in the traditional sense, exactly, more like nearly accidentally thunk-out.

By deferring things in a sneaky, cunning way we get to think we're doing so without anyone -- even ourselves -- knowing. Surreptitiously, with an eye toward self-deception. Looking one way with a part of our brains hoping the other part isn't aware of it ... isn't watching or listening. It's the ultimate in self-trickery.

When I'm in my best state-of-avoidance, I'm really, really good at it. In fact, I'm so good at it that I honestly think I should be paid for such creative off-putting. But if I Google such notions, I never see anybody willing to pay me for this skill. Oh no! They want quick-studies, fast-starters, and those with initiation. Give me a break! Does anybody really know anybody who fits those descriptions -- and if you did, would you hire them? Myself, I want a genuine human being, one with a dubious work record, who's not particularly endowed with any fancy skills, and who isn't living a power verb existence.

Of course, nobody does the dilly-dally dance better than me. When I'm in it -- I shine! I can avoid doing things with the best of them and then go them one better. And I usually do.

But, truth be told, I am human, and there are days when I feel rueful about things and am inclined to beat up on myself. During those moments (some of which stretch into days and weeks), I get sucked into believing silly society's opinion -- that I'm just wasting my time. That I'm no good. That I'm a downright slug.

During such times, the mounds of work piling up frighten me and I am inclined to call a therapist for help. My distracted dizziness lures me into believing I am a bad person, a dysfunctional member of an otherwise functional society. And I find myself toying with the idea that if I could just finish cleaning the house, finish filing those stacks of papers, and complete that next blog, then all will be okay with the world.

But we all know it's not as simple as all that.

Every practical person knows that open windows invite more dust, that behind every pile of un-filed papers another one looms, and that real successful bloggers are the ones who forget that seven entries per week means seven entries per week. And I know what the out-distancers and out-performers are thinking as they read these words; that I'm in denial and nothing more than a wheel-spinner. But I maintain that those fools are the real fools and that in another lifetime they were probably a shillyshallying foot-dragger just like me.

In deference to those valued members of the land (and my courageous little ego), I will now wrap this article up into a tiny, concise ball. And I will do that by quoting the words of Carly Simon. For I'm sure she was referring to the daily dilly-dally dance when she wrote:

Nobody does it better

Makes me feel sad for the rest

Nobody does it half as good as you

Baby, you're the best

And though some may say this ending is too conveniently pithy -- a mere deus ex machina, to them I would like to say:

"Just leave me alone so I can get on with avoiding the next [fill in the blank]!"

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Attracting Grace

For a week now I've been toying with the idea that my early -- and pretty much unexpected -- retirement was really a graceful act bestowed upon me by a loving universe. I say "pretty much unexpected" because this event was something folks were buzzing about in the office for nigh on six to twelve months. I mean, seriously, in this economy, everybody is waiting for the ax to fall. So I expected it ... but didn't. I think you can understand how both points-of-view were realistic. Like death and taxes, you totally expect them; but when the time comes to face each one, there's a good chance you're not going to be one hundred percent ready!

This idea that it was grace and a good thing -- stays with me a good part of the time. Maybe eighty-four point six percent. Then, of course, there are the other times (fifteen point four percent) when ego pokes out its creepy head and leads me into a fear state. The only good thing about my ego these days is that I'm on to it. In fact, I've given it a rude name ... too rude to share here ... and I'm on to its smarmy tricks. The primary trick being trying to convince me that there's actually something of which to be afraid.

Well, there's not.

Let's pause to look at that for a second. From the second our consciousness is made available to us in this world, outside forces compel us to disbelieve what we know to be innately true. And though we're born knowing that we are one with everything (because everywhere is the place we came from); those who supposedly know better do their best to alter that perception.

• Our parents teach us to excel at all costs -- often in subjects and areas we have little, if any, interest; saying that if we don't, we'll be failures for the rest of our short lives.
• Religious leaders teach us that we are born sinners and must spend the rest of our lives atoning for that -- unless, of course, we want to burn in hell forever and a day.
• Madison Avenue tells us that all of our God/dess-given natural functions are aberrant and should be masked with product or removed completely with "medicines".

And those are just the obvious. Every minute of our lives we're bombarded with lies, illusions, and mis-facts about who we are (or who we shouldn't be).

We're too:

• fat
• gay
• loud
• promiscuous
• optimistic

We shouldn't be so:

• negative
• frugal
• straight-laced
• serious
• cocky

We're instructed to "sit up straight," "eat slowly," and "mind your manners." Boys are told that sports activities define their masculinity, crossing their legs over one another when they sit is something only girls do, and playing with dolls is verboten. Girls, on the other hand, are told to sit "like a lady," take Home Economics class, and plan living the first part of their life learning how to become a happy housewife.

Even in our spiritual lives, we're told that there are mandatory ways to meditate, pray, and make peace with our higher power. The good go to heaven, the bad go to hell, and fundamentally the [fill in your own sect or religion] is the only way to true salvation.

And all these things instill us with a sense of fear -- because if we don't do them or become them, we'll either suffer some horrible consequences or we won't feel complete. And nothing is more all-encompassing than fear. It surrounds us, chokes us, paralyzes us, and ultimately kills us. Our spirit is darkened, our hopes quashed, and the light in our eyes snuffed out.

Fortunately, there is a way out of this mess -- that being enlightenment. Which sounds really scary and complex and unobtainable. However, enlightenment -- or being enLIGHTened -- is as easy as opening your eyes in a darkened room. It's as easy as sitting quietly and listening -- truly listening -- to what the universe has to say to you. Directly to you, without an authority figure or leader in the middle translating or misinterpreting things for you. And it's coming to a place, usually after a great deal of practice, of remembering to know that which you knew when you were first born: That you are one with everything (because everywhere is the place you came from).

Now here is where it can get a little tricky and the place where many folks give up. In order to accept that we are one with everything (e.g. God//dess), we need first to come to a place where we trust that the universe is on our side. And that's not easy because we have to let go of all the layers of illusion that we were taught growing up (see all those lists above). And how do we do that?

Well, fortunately, we're usually forced to face the emptiness of those so-called truths when we are confronted with major, life changing events. Events like a break-up, the death of a loved one, or retirement. Circumstances that strip away the illusions for us -- and show them as the ego-strengthening falsehoods that they are. Events that make us realize that we're carting around other people's beliefs which, for us, really just don't resonate any longer.

So we look for ways to simplify things and to become comfortable with the losses. And somewhere in the middle of all of that -- if we're lucky -- we see that underneath all the BS lives a piece of us, our Inner Self, that really knows what we need to be happy. And that's when, if we're really paying attention, that we come to believe that our Inner Self really is a power greater than our self. We see from that new perspective, that we are the Power and that Power is us.

And then, with that awareness, we come to understand that the grace that offered us the opportunity to grow through the life-changing event to begin with, was actually something we attracted. By praying, by meditating, by doing yoga, and by being attentive as a result of the loss, we opened ourselves up to appreciating life and expecting good things to happen.

And for me, that is the most grace-full thing that has happened to me in this early retirement. And that's just today. I can't wait to see what good things -- what graceful things -- are in store for me just around the bend called tomorrow.

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Refired In Spite of My Ego

Today is the first day of my official retirement from my job as a technical writer. I did that work, or work like it, for twenty years for the same company. The idea of retiring always seemed like something that would happen when I was decrepit and senile; and it was something that was going to be a big reward for all the hard work I'd done.

Now that it's here, it's anything but any of those things.

But I digress.

My day started around 7:30 a.m. -- yes, I slept in. Normally I rouse myself at 6:00 a.m. to do yoga, drink coffee, and play a tad on the computer. But when I woke up today I felt as if I'd psychically belched in technicolor during the night and that the poison had somehow gotten into my bloodstream. My reality seemed cock-eyed and my mood was flat.

I made my coffee, as usual, and then instead of doing my yoga, I opted to go online. I checked emails, played a bit on fabulis.com, and tooled around at Facebook. Around 11:00 I finally got around to hitting the yoga mat.

And that's when the imaginary psychic poison in me really began to get on my nerves. What the f%(*$@ is all this, I mused to myself as I contorted and stretched myself into delightfully exquisite poses. Physically, the stretches felt wonderful, but simultaneously I was sensing chaos and dread passing through me. And that's when I became elated.

Why? Because this stuff was moving through me whereas in my past it would have stayed stuck. And what is this stuff? Ego BS, that's what.

My ego has a tenacity and brilliance that surpasses pretty much everything ... except, of course, my true Inner Self. In some circles, my friends and I think of the ego as The F#&king Fox. It's a long and rather private story as to how we came up with that term; but it fits the bill completely.

And what was my ego telling me this beautiful last day of July 2010? It was telling me things ... not in a voice but as physical feelings ... that I'm a failure and that I retired too early (but we know that it was really a reflection of my lousy performance or my disinterest in things corporate, or that I'm too old, or some things far, far worse). It was telling me reasons why I should give up all hope and let myself slide into oblivion.

So, as I did my yoga, I tried to be mindful of these physical sensations in my blood -- and not have any additional feelings about them. Just observe them and feel them; and then watch what they do. And what happens when I do that? The feelings pass through me and vanish like magic.

I believe that our physical bodies are the ego's ultimate tool. In fact, it's likely that the body is simply a physical manifestation of the ego -- and nothing more. When the ego runs out of mind tricks and spiritual tricks, it knows it can always distract us by making the mortal body crumble. A headache, a spasm in the knee, gas pains, heart tremors -- all of these these things will take us away from God/dess or Spirit and bind us back into ego's grip.

And what is the ego's grip? It's that sense that we are somehow separate. Separate from love, separate from God/dess-Spirit, and separate from others. And since we are all one anyway, the ego is just stirring up the pot of serenity in an effort to make us suffer. And once we know that illusory ego-instilled pain is inevitable, we can counter that with the notion that suffering is completely optional.

Whether it's emotional, psychic, spiritual, or physical, we can merely observe the illusory pain -- and let it pass through us. The next opportunity you have, try it. When you get some pain or sense of suffering, do not engage it by bringing up all the fears you normally do. Forget what society and doctors and your parents told you about pain. This one time, just observe it and let it go. If your pains are like mine, then left to their own devices (and the ego's devices), they'll either vanish completely or -- more likely -- move to some other place. When that happens, you'll KNOW it's an ego trick.

Anyway, now I'm all psyched to move into my day! I know I'm not decrepit or senile; and this day really is a big reward for all the hard work I'd done. And you know what? That work has had more to do with healing myself than working for some employer for 20 years.

And that's why I'm now feeling really refired!

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Early Refirement

On August 1 of this year (2010), I enter the dubious world of retirement. Not because I'm so old that I need to; not because I want to; and not because my employer doesn't love me anymore.

I'm entering early retirement because after 20 years the economy evaporated my job away and because I was close enough to real live retirement to make it every one's best interest -- mine included -- to push it ahead 4.5 years and let me go my merry way.

So am I feeling merry? To be honest, I'm not one hundred percent sure ...

I've already experienced enough time off to know that I'm not really cut out for doing nothing. I was given two months notice and my work days became less and less work and more and more clean the office and/or just stay home and enjoy life. So for a while I went into work and cleaned and polished away my old life ... and then, when that was all done and my good-byes were all said, I stayed home in my little future office/living room ... and began contemplating my future.

Anybody who knows me understands that I'm not one to just sit still while life passes idly by. That fact -- along with the one that I actually need to bring in a certain amount of coinage to continue paying my mortgage -- feeds my inspiration. And I AM inspired now, even though to some I'm facing a big, gaping empty hole of which I'm supposed to feel afraid. But I'm not afraid. I'm totally psyched out and truly looking for new direction.

I get my direction from Spirit -- that small and persistent voice that continuously eggs me on. Loudest when I'm showering, more subtle when I'm doing yoga or meditating, The Voice is the part of me that knows me better than anyone else, knows what I am capable of achieving, and knows what part of my ego-self I need to turn my back upon. The ego-self that contributes nothing more than things like nagging fear, a sense of perpetual loneliness, or even the illusion of Super Self, the part of me that wants to believe he can do all things without help.

Well. I do need help. From God/dess, from friends, and from strangers. August 1st I officially enter a whole new phase of my life -- a phase that is potentially better than any other I have experienced up till now. I'm entering a period of my life that the Universe has taken 57 years to bring me to and prepare me for -- one where only success can crown me and joy will define me.

A few nights ago I was talking to a fellow shaman who provided me with an astonishing concept -- the idea of refirement. He suggested I think of the retirement as a time of transition; and an opportunity to become fired up. Fired up for all kinds of possibilities. I got so fired up by the very idea of this that I immediately Googled the word "refirement." And as you can imagine, I found many, many helpful sites dedicated to this idea. Here are a few -- and just Google "refirement" for more:

• Refirement Network: helping Boomers to REFIRE
• The Refirement Group
• Refirement Network: Refire Not Retire

So now I am officially in the midst of my new beginning. And, as such, I find myself under not a little pressure to live the spiritual life I always try to help others discover. I don't want to find myself being a spiritual hypocrite -- the do as I say but not as I do kind. For years now I'm been trying to help my friends and associates feel good about their lives -- no matter how or what appearances might suggest otherwise. And now, gulp gulp, it's my turn.

So, humbly I turn to all of you -- friends and enemies, intimates and casual acquaintances, lovers and buds, those who know me and those who do not -- and ask for your help. Call today's blog a note or a plea or a prayer or a resume. It's all about me today; but since we're all One, it's all about you, too.

I need activities to keep me happy, healthy, spiritual, and sane. I need to do service and I need to encourage an incoming green energy flow. I need to eat and I need to sleep.

Some (but not all) of the things I am considering doing again are [and in no particular order]:

• Website Development
• Creative Writing
• Topical Magazine/Newspaper Articles
• Shamanic Healing Sessions
• Bodywork/Energy Work
• Guesthouse Management
• Office Administration
• Catering Sales
• Modeling
• Bartender
• Records Management
• Legal Research
• Technical Writing
• Law Librarian
• Social Networking
• Acting

So there, for this moment in time, you have it.

Please consider me for any or all of the above if you are looking for a hard working, good and kind soul; if your office is drab and you need a spark of spirit and good humor; or if you just want to do something kind for someone in need.

I appreciate any and all suggestions, help, offerings, and prayers.

Namaste.

Dreamwalker aka Michael

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Letting Go

I was walking to work today thinking about all the things I need to let go of so I can change my life and make me a better person. Coughing slightly because of grief that has settled into my lungs, a seeming boundless grief that knows no relief, a deep one that seems to encompass and reflect many lifetimes.

A few of the items I was thinking needed changing were the:

• notion that I can significantly help anyone but myself
• idea of the loss of my once youthful physical body
• tendency to worry about the illusory real world of diving economies, increasing warfare and hatred, and global disease
• fear of my own death (which equals the fear of my own rebirth)
• belief that sex, drugs or rock & roll can help me escape the illusory real world by providing an alternate illusory real world that is somehow better
  

And as I am thinking these noble thoughts, a man comes up to me with his arm outstretched. He seems to be of Everyman descent and he has a sparkle in his eyes that indicates he is coming directly from visiting God/dess (or, as my mother would say, on drugs).

"Help me," he says, "I'm hungry and have no place to go."

"Sorry," I say to him without even blinking.

And then I have passed him.

I look back a minute later and there is no evidence of the beggar. And all at once, I am wracked with guilt, fear, concern, and a thousand forms of sorry.

• What if that man actually is God/dess?
• What if it was a test?
• Suppose he wasn't just a hustler like me in my younger days?
• Maybe he was telling the truth!
• How pathetic that I want to change my life and can't even help one poor Soul?

And frankly, my ego loves to play these imaginary games with me.

One minute I was thinking about giving up the "notion that I can significantly help anyone but myself" -- and the next minute my ego tosses a needy soul in my path. What better test of my own resolve than to feed me my own fears in concrete, physical form?

Yes, the beggar was no doubt real; but the shear coincidence, serendipity even, of his appearance in my life at that moment was truly cause for pause and suspicion.

After all, I create my own reality -- good, bad, and neutral. Maybe I even manifest "tests" for my own guilty, grieving conscience.

This apparent truth is another reason for me to let go of the very illusions I create or allow others to create for me.

And so it seems (today) to be.

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The Sarah Palin Opportunity

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."
-- Bernice Johnson, American Historian and Musician

As you can see from my previous post -- dated August 30, 2008 -- the Sarah Palin Opportunity had a profound and paralyzing affect on me. Why this is so, I'm not sure, but the entire illusion called the 2008 Presidential Elections threw me into a tailspin. This in spite of a promise I'd made to myself to not get caught up in it all. Then, almost self-destructively, I engaged in the entire circus. And even though I (sort of) didn't really care who won the election (I was leaning heavily for Obama); I just wanted George and his cronies out of the People's White House.

The delicious illusion of it all, though, grabbed me early on. Against my own self-promises, better judgment, and inner vision, I began watching MSNBC early on -- two years ago, in fact. Each night the news pundits would fire me up -- or, more accurately, I would invite them to fire me up. And each night I went to sleep with their inflammatory and toxic notions on my mind. And the truth is, it wouldn't have mattered whether I watched Fox News or MSNBC. The results would have been the same. Restless dreams filled with endless worry. And for what? An illusory coloring book marked in with imaginary crayons.

And then Sarah Palin entered the picture and, whereas everything up to that point seemed dully insane, the mere fact that anyone like her could be placed anywhere near the Office of the President of the United States of America made my brain cells curl. What madness had infiltrated John McCain's head? Could greed and vision be so clouded and twisted to result in this?

And so, it seemed, it could.

(I have always said I am not a politician or minister or doctor or business man, and that those areas of life are best left to people more suited for them than I am -- more knowledgeable. But John McCain's decision to utilize the governor of Alaska stymied me and had me second guessing my own convictions.)

I knew some veil of reason had been breached.

After I wrote the previous post, where I laid out a fabulous scenario where McCain was utilizing Palin as a ruse to appease the Powerful Right -- and that once that was done, he would dispose of her in some way -- by hook, crook, or plain politics -- make her vanish, possibly allowing Mitt Romney to come in as his second choice for V.P.

Well, I was obviously wrong on all counts. And Palin, at least in her own mind, is here with us for a while. And McCain -- well, who will remember him for anything but being a courageous Vietnam war veteran who ran the weirdest and possibly most negative campaign for President in United States history?

Still, something about the negativity hooked into me -- or, more likely into my ego. My ego, so easily sated by fear, the only thing -- in fact -- that makes it smile. And I, woefully, was off to the races.

Normally, I drift in and out of life's little power shifts like a fish gliding through water. The contractions come, I take a deep breath, and then they go -- followed by a period of well-being and, sometimes, bliss.

But this Palin affair pulled me out of the water, threw me upon a giant rock on the shore, and left me lying there to bake in the sun of disbelief, fear, and confoundment.

And that was where the opportunity of it all became apparent.

Because, fortunately, through it all, I continued to pray, meditate, do yoga, attend spirit-based retreats, and generally stay On Point some of the time. And when the sun broke through the clouds on the evening of Election Day, I came home to where God/dess resides and where all is well.

I imagine that when the day comes for me to once-and-for-all shed my earth skin and Go Home, these cycles of contraction/bliss will make some sense.

Until then, I just have to have faith that everything really, really, really is exacty as it needs to be.

And so it is.

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